i feel like i should pray, but i don't think i know how anymore, at least not in the way i used to. it seems like fear is a stride away, and gloom is about a 5 minute drive from my house. these are the two things that plague me.
you can think that you are totally removed from something, but it usually returns, or it was never really gone in the first place. i don't think this one was ever really gone, it just got far away for a while, and then came back to a place that is too close for comfort. its not that i'm detached from God or anything, i just wonder why my life has to include some of the things that it does, or why i stumbled across some of the people that i did, and i wonder why i still feel vulnerable to them as i am still within reach. -gloom is about a 5 minute drive from my house- and not many people really have any idea; in fact, i wonder if that one has any idea himself.
in any case, my close friends and family are my bomb shelter and with them, i feel safe.
but even within my proverbial bomb shelter, there are some events that can cause distress. -fear is just a stride away- i hate to see people suffering, i am afraid for them of what they might have to endure. i suppose you could say that i am one of those who would take a bullet for someone i love, without a single misgiving. i would take that radiation head on, but i cant, its not my cancer... so i just sit back and worry, wondering if theres anything at all i can do, and offer up some encouragment.