(if i never told you
would you notice?)

consume and dispose

fear has a way
of shattering into fragments
of a lucid paranoia
that slip in unnoticed

perhaps it is but a simply scarcastic apathy
antagonizing certian sensitivity
fluctuating somewhere between
pain and madness
as it all slips from the inside out
enclosed, alone, unimaginable to all else
outside the matter

a pressure release
drawn up by wire thin desires,
emaciated aspirations,
and a simple silence
(skeletal, but still cerebral
hungry, but still healthy)
smile and filter
returning to a satisfied sociability
and a refreshed sense of beauty
thick, opaque, and lovely.

mind out of body
(i got so little sleep last night)
experiencing no sensation
but a blunt sharpie headache
and chlorinated liquid delusions (they are my nightmares)
-pain is simply the essence of the body in motion-

i'll have you know they frighten me...

its that black shilouette
that glides along the wall,
that drains the color from my face
and strips me of all security

that long thin shadow
of the deepest delerium
emaciated
dark
and piercing

even simple visions of your presence
are a dagger that draws blood as it runs down my spine

revel
and follow
falling
stuck on this reel that claims reality

reach,
grope
for thoughts just out of grasp
between a guitar and a pen
arbitrarily scratching a paper,
between hearts never to weave,
hoilding hands with a mentality that is
a string
of poetry

desire,
aspire;
hopeless aspirations flooded with all hopefulness
and playful with possibility.
tossing, turning,
playing with a fragile heart.

you watch my pen fly across this paper in lustful curiosity,
but i'll never let you read it
for i am ashamed of the spontanaiety
of my butterfly heart.

somewhere inside these shifitng autumn patterns
i lost myself wandering
in circles
on the pavement
while the wind was raining leaves in my hair

i step so far outside myself
just to be drawn inside
the depths of two blue glass eyes
that reflect unspoken mysteries
buried beyond words______

your visual desires precede any verbal exchange
i might hope to find in you
(discover and extract)

beyond unspoken words
we dance about eachother
like two butterflies in the brisk autumn sunlight;
strong delicate wings beating
in warm, low, muted tones
of attempted telepathy

i am listless,
desperately wanting,
lacking discovery of all that lies behind
a glassy blue ray
of autumn sunlight.

it has been so long.
these three years realize
.it feels so much better alone.
yet we always fell in circles around eachother
dancing on a summer song
(it was always your harmony that rang so heavily
in the back of my head...
it made me wild)
but it was autumn
that settled itself in my heart again...

we lack words
and presence
yet we maintain a connection of heart

so without your voice,
in the absence of your touch,
at your return,
the new october wind
blew those last few leaves of longing
out of my heart
and out of my life

(i will always wonder if there is still one left
but i can't feel it anymore
in the presence this sweet autumn sunlight)

we always wonder
where we fall when we scatter
like leaves
in a brisk autumn breeze,

falling gracefully
from a love lacking heart
to a thick, inevitable warmth

i lost myself in a whirlwind
weeks ago.

and found heart in you.