the next two poems compliment eachother. i wrote them together but separate to portray one situation, and its evolution throughout two different time frames... enjoy.

evening thoughts.

the sound of rubber buzzing on pavement
weaves through the darkened quilt
that i stare deeply out and into
seeming so far off
like the proximity of our hands that stretches out into miles of road before us.
this space is comfortable,
closing in to connectivity,
and i notice the occasional subtle glances that you steal
searching for a reaction to the warmth of of your fingertips on my skin
or a confirmation that these pieces fit together
just right
as i continue to search the passing landscape
bathed in washes and hues
of evening
and waking stars.
for some reason,
i didn't want you to see the way
the butterflies hit the walls of my stomach
on their way up to my throat
or know that my heartbeat was fluttering faster than their wings
stirring up a confusion between desire and desistence,
that felt too right to desist.

evening revelations.

the miles between deminish
and i began to feel
the warmth that emanates from your skin
on my aura
comfortably closing in
on the coagulation of emotions
that i hid underneath the blanket you covered me in,
under heavy eyelids.
i lost my inhibitions in a sleepy haze
but it was all too right to resist
to begin with
and i knew that
when you whispered me awake
and i realized the perfect curvature of your lips;
that's when i finally succumbed to losing myself
in the expanses of two wild blue irises
and the warm reverberations of our laughter
creating red and orange ringlets in the surface
of the puddles that we became
under the comfortable weight of your warmth
until the growing hours of the morning
summoned me home.

i remember the first time i fell into the trap
that is your arms; it was summer and i didn't even think twice

and when you kissed me that night,
you ripped out my heart with your teeth

and it was all wonderful
until you walked away (still holding my heart in your teeth)

now i realize: i don't want you anymore,
i just want what we had.

this emptiness is a raw biting apathy;
a hole in my heart where you burned yourself out
tossing me playfully back and forth
between hopeful hallucinations and
a hard-pressed reality.

i hope you can tell me where to find myself...
(or should i follow the fresh stains of heartache you left
creating a trail on the ground where you still drag my heart behind you)

the frosted blue light in your eyes emerges
drawing your lips into an almost peaceful sincerity
forcing me to cast my soulfully pained gaze elsewhere
because it would hurt too much
to be drawn in again,
and if I could, i would never let you see this un-concealable longing
shining through the green glass that hides my soul.
(the warmth that emanates from you
in hues of copper
is a temptation that i fear more than the pain
of your apathetic departure from my heart)

loose [end}s tangled with a distant {familiar]ity
that you can't seem to bring yourself
to wear around your neck
(in fear that what is woven from my hands
will become too close to your heart)
.i'll see you_____
sometime.

we have become
what lies between the lines
of unspoken hearts
and lingering desires
left hopelessly lying
face down and alone
in the sand that
washes away
with the tide.

i sat down inside myself trying to hear myself speak;
i'd never really say these things, but i wanted to at the time.
somehow it would feel right. somehow, the beauty in the beads of rhetoric
that stream from my lips would sweet talk your heart open
and i would dive in
just to explore the very depths of you. i wanted to find
where God resides in you and paint pictures of my reason
on the inside of the walls enclosing your mind. i wanted to find
a puddle of emotion
and jump in it
splashing and soaking in all that is what you are and
what i want to learn of you. all this time,
i was echoing silently inside myself trying to perfect my speech
so it might strike you, maybe you'd find me striking
and beautiful standing guard in front of a gradiant past
drawing from light to dark to light again. i could start by telling you
how your eyes inspire me or how my stomach is still reduced to butterflies
when your rusty copper colored aura collides with mine
but my words are merely sand slipping softly
through the holes in your heart
and disappearing with the tide that is the difference
between what we used to be and what we
have become.

(a delicacy on a rough surface)
pieces of you
floating listlessly through frosted midnight air
gather softly on window frames
wrapped in wool,
colored in hues of early november,
mixed with compliments of midnight,
and stained with the scent of an early passing autumn.
within, heartwoven blankets
wrap a warm clay body
in unobtrusive, earthen tones
reflected in the golden blue tranquility of iris lights
hanging on strings of an unspoken mind.
stars stream into a moon more full than a flood
creating a distance that separates
what we become from what we are
in youthful flecks of an orange rind.
juice spills down your chin
as you sink in and smile.

i am
waking with a hazy blanket
hanging heavily translucent
atop my aching head
and life is a thin filament that hangs
helplessly trying to hold my weight.
but somewhere farther off,
in the curling warmth of wet tea leaves,
i am recreated
flooding life in every inch of a sleepless body

peering out this frosted winter window,
i see all my heartache buried in an early november snow
that nobody expected to stick

the clarity of the world becomes
tangible reality
and i step outside of ailing deluison
into myself to find
that i want you more than i did before.